A recent job opportunity had me driving 3 to 6 hours a day, five days a week with multiple nights on the road. While everything has its moments, it really wasn’t so bad. As a true optimist, making peace with that part of the job included changing the way I looked at all that time. I came to view every trip like a new adventure with possibilities, appreciating the communities I encountered, with intermittent audio books and podcasts while driving down the road with many others who had chosen a similar lifestyle. Was I lonely? Although I was always alone, I was never lonely.
Another fact about me is I have hearing loss. I have an excellent set of hearing aids with outstanding features to compensate for this. Yet, as good as they are, hearing aids can have limitations. During these times hearing complete conversations amid competing sound frequencies can be a struggle. It’s difficult to explain how completely “disconnected” it feels to be surrounded by people actively engaging with life, and to feel so completely on the outside looking in. Am I lonely? Yes, I am lonely beyond words (even remembering one of these events makes me a little sad). I’m outside, missing the message, and no adjustment of the hearing aid app can rescue me.
What is loneliness?
Being alone is frequently associated with loneliness, but being alone is not a requirement to be lonely. This paradox makes loneliness complex: it isn’t always where you think it is; it may be the last place you would expect to find it; and because it’s so personal, it tends to carry a stigma by those who don’t understand it.
Loneliness is associated more with not feeling connected or part of the group than with solitude or isolation. For many, being alone is a pleasure with lingering positive effects. For many others, the absence of connecting with other people creates undesirable feelings with lingering effects that are more like grieving, depression, or sadness. Add to this a stigma for feeling lonely and you find people in pain with no one to talk to about it . . . reinforcing the lack of connection with others. All of this can make recognizing loneliness very complex and difficult.
What triggers loneliness?
- Undesirable life transitions or a change or loss of family dynamics can trigger emotions that often lead unexpectedly to live in isolation, reduce social interactions, and feelings of loneliness.
- A legitimate benefit of technology is that many of us can actually see and talk with people almost anywhere on earth (or space!). While connecting virtually is a good thing, it does not offer the cues and intimacy of a face-to-face connection. If you’re lonely, you try to reach out but are left unfulfilled.
- With the prevalence of the nuclear family, the exclusion of extended relatives like grandparents, aunts, or uncles has eliminated a source of family connections and support. Meals are often not the “family time” of the past, and entertainment is frequently associated with “screen time”.
Connections have been declining. Since 2004, family time has decreased 10% for older adults and approximately 30% for those under 34 years of age. Additionally, time spent with friends has decreased by approximately 50% for those under the age of 18. Since the COVID-19 pandemic, loneliness has escalated with 36% of all Americans admitting “serious loneliness.” That included 61% of young adults and 51% of mothers with young children.
Why does it matter?
High-quality social connections are essential to mental and physical health and well-being. Those reporting frequent loneliness identified as having poorer health outcomes. Social isolation and loneliness are important, yet frequently neglected, social determinants of health assessments for people of all ages. Worldwide social isolation and loneliness is also recognized as a priority public health problem and policy issue by the World Health Organization. Just like hunger is the body’s signal that food is needed, feelings of loneliness should be viewed as the body’s way of saying that there’s a true need to be addressed.
Where to go from here?
While we all experience loneliness at some time, chronic feelings of loneliness and isolation could signal the need for professional intervention. Tips for interrupting early feelings of loneliness include:
- Developing a strategy to reframe being alone as a positive relationship with solitude.
- Develop strategies to deepen current relationships and bonds based on common interests.
- Reach out to new communities with common interests, e.g., hobby groups, volunteer and community groups, and/or church groups.
In conclusion, loneliness is not always tied to solitude and is not always simply a temporary emotion. Despite technology’s ability to connect us, loneliness continues as a critical public health issue. Indeed, technology is often a tool that creates divisions and encourages alienation. The solution for this isolation lies in returning to our most fundamental need for human connection. By actively prioritizing and investing in relationships, isolation can be transformed into opportunities for connecting and supporting overall well-being.